New Items!

1 Dec

I’ve added some fine, new additions to the shop. Its CYBER MONDAY so get in your pajamas and FEED THE ECONOMY.

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This one a a lovely, gored 1950’s navy blue dress. I wore it to a wedding and now I relinquish onto the masses for their enjoyment.

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This one is a killer dress. Lace on the top, velvet on the bottom. It’s a combination of sexy and sultry I’m not sure the world is ready for. It will excite and astonish all who see you in it. So be careful with the power you will acquired with this particular dress.

I moved everyone! I live in Sunny California (which means I don’t have access to my old, amazing apartment with tons of natural lighting that Brooklyn provided!). So my photos have been slow as I have been on the road, trying to adjust to my new life in California, and all the other shit that life throws your way when you are in the middle of a crisis. Who am I? What am I doing? Am I even funny? Will I ever meet Drake?

If I accomplish nothing else in my life, it is to convince Drake that we are meant to be.

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I’m on TV!!!!!

19 Jun

YESSSSSS It’s true. Your plus size vintage vixen of comedic porportions is on a TV show.

This friday you can see me on TBS for the new Marlon Wayan’s show FUNNIEST WINS.

 

Here are some promos!

 

This is very big. Very exciting. Very scary.

On this show I was, without a doubt, the fat girl. Every day comments about my weight were made to some extent. This is something I had to deal with. Some days I didn’t give a fuck. Some days I gave a lot of fucks. It pushed me into a world of body positivity because it was the only way I could cope. Watching other big women flaunt it and embrace themselves pushed me to like myself more even when I knew that I would hate what I saw on the screen. I hope that I can be an inspiration to other women who are having the same love/hate relationships with their body. Every day I am trying to get to the Love part and have it continue. I want to accept my body and love it unconditionally.

So I posted some more fabulous fashions on my store. Finally. I know its been hard trying to keep up . I haven’t been up to date on my shop because I’ve been traveling so much. Plus now I am moving from Brooklyn to Los Angeles. I am very sad to not be a Brooklynite anymore but honestly I was never one to begin with. I was a transplant. Always a transplant.

 

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Missing the XMAS boat

19 Dec

Oh , so sad I’ve missed the Christmas Etsy shopping boat. I could have sold so much! But sadly, I’ve been distracted as of late because I’ve been seething over PETA and their disgusting PLAN V campaign.

If you haven’t heard already, Plan B birth control doesn’t work if you’re over 176lbs (or at least it barely works). So PETA jumped on it and told women to take back their “reproductive rights” and become vegans so that plan b will work.

Here is the translation:

“Hey ladies, too fat for birth control? Become a vegan and take back your reproductive rights…from yourself, fatty.”

Really makes you feel good about your body around the holidays. I don’t want to a vegan on principal. And there are PLENTY of fat vegans, PETA. I mean Oreos are vegan, after all.

But in other news, here are a few new, shnazzy items!

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That’s my little Chug, Lupe. She’s the best. Ever.

 

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ITS BEEN A LONG TIME

12 Nov

I am so sorry friends that I have been hidden under a rock.

Today I took photos of dresses and it was exciting and exhausting. I will be putting up some great dresses in the coming days while I am away on tour. I’m going on tour!

I will be at Morty’s in Indianapolis on Friday. So if you like comedy and fun stuff….let me know!

In other news, my comedy career has been off the charts. I was recently picked by Comedy Central to be a Comic to Watch for 2013. Now here comes the voting process. All you have to do is vote once a day until thursday. You can go to different computers and vote. You can go across town and vote. Just vote vote vote!

Here is the link

And here is what I wore:

Purple wool dress, late 1940s to 1950s, with sparkles!!!

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I <3 Boston

21 Apr

As some of you may know, I live in Boston and have called this place home for more than half of my life. I was devastated at what befell my wonderful city on Marathon Monday at 2:50pm. That morning at 3 am I had biked out to Lexington for the Battle reenactment. I was excited and felt like a 65 year old Libertarian man trapped inside a 26 year old liberal lady’s body. It reminded me that we live in a wonderful country where crazy people can dress up and shoot at each other at 5:30 in the morning.

 

Then the bombs. The misinformation. The anger. The hate. The manhunt. And now the wait. As we wait for a child to wake up from his gun shot wounds, Boston and the nation are seething in hatred and ready for blood. He will be refused his Miranda rights and even though he is an American citizen, he will be deemed an international terrorist.

Like many of you I come from Immigrant parents.My mother came here from Russia in the 1970s at 26 (my age) with a 5 year old boy and 100 dollars. She built her own American dream and has been a citizen for over 25 years. She is as American my 3rd generation Italian father, your Chinese born grandfather, your English born great great great grandmother, or yourself: born in Nigeria and becoming a citizen in 2005.

We cannot deny him rights, for if we do we deny our loved ones and our selves rights as American citizens. When John Adams defended the British soldiers who killed 5 men in self defense, it was out of duty to humanity. He knew that every man deserved a fair trial no matter what the crime.

“The part I took in defense of captain Preston and the soldiers, procured me anxiety, and obloquy enough. It was, however, one of the most gallant, generous, manly and disinterested actions of my whole life, and one of the best pieces of service I ever rendered my country. Judgment of death against those soldiers would have been as foul a stain upon this country as the executions of the Quakers or witches, anciently.”

 

We don’t know all the facts. We must not jump to conclusions (like CNN), and we must keep calm in this time of chaos. You may disagree with my opinion and wish for the suspect to die, be strung up and quartered and burned for his crimes. If we do that, then the terrorists really have won because they made us forget what makes this country so fucking awesome: That all men are created equal.

Thank you,

Jenny

Laughing Skull

4 Apr

welcome

Man, do I look goooooooooooood.

This weekend I was in Atlanta, otherwise known as HOTLANTA, otherwise known as it was fucking cold don’t give me that hotlanta shit.

I was competing in the Laughing Skull Comedy Competition. It was wonderful. I got to meet amazing comedians that are hilarious, important industry who were generous, and I got to wear this DRESS! This is one of my favorite currently. LOOK AT THAT CHUBBY LITTLE MUFFIN!

I made it to the finals. Top 8, and the only girl. I feel good.

Also, here is a very instagrammy instagram

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I’m trying to work in more vintage clothing into my set. However, I’ve also noticed that I’ve been gaining weight. This is a problem for obvious reasons 1.) I can’t fit into my vintage clothing which takes time and money to procure 2.) It’s expensive to buy larger clothes when I have smaller ones already 3.) I just want all the boys to like me. 4.) this means I’m eating way unhealthy and living an unhealthy lifestyle which needs to change.

Wait, #3 wasn’t really a weight issue, that is more of a life issue. Boys suck. Who wants to date me?

Lets look at this fantastic dress again:

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What’s with the arm thing?

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There we go. That’s as much of the dress as you’re going to see. I almost always am in this position when a comedy shot of me is taken. Hands up, ready for action, ready to let the love into my heart. I’m born for this!

The dress is a lovely 1970s polyester frock with a tie belt and this awesome shoulder thing that goes over and acts like a mini cape. I was going to sell it, but then I said FUCK THAT THIS IS MINE FOREVER. And so it came to pass.

The hair and make up I got from two sources. One would be 12-year-old girls on Youtube. Without them I would be in a ditch on the side of the road with blue eyeshadow and a bowl cut.

Also, I bought these books.

And let me tell you something. IT’S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO DO SOME OF THESE HAIRSTYLES! Have you ever tried to curl your own hair, and I mean really curl it? It’s nearly impossible. You’re doing things backwards in a mirror and then you burn yourself and your hair sets of fire and then you have to go for the twiggy pixie cut because half your hair is gone. It’s a mess. But somehow I accomplished a curly, 1940s hairdo.

This book makes more sense than the hair one. Ladies in the retro days of yore went to hair dressers because they couldn’t do their own hair. Yet, they did do their own make up. It gives you not only technique, but the perfect red lips for your skin tone. Whoa! Now if I only know what my true skin tone was.

Pick up both books, I would suggest, for it gives you ways to look your best! And if don’t have the cash to do what they do, never fear, there’s always 12-year-old girls on youtube.

Aside 31 Mar

Happy Easter Everyone!!!

Today is the LAST DAY OF MY MEGA AWESOME SAAAALEEEE!!!!!!

25% off all items in the store so I can make room for all of the wonderful new clothes that are on the way!

Spring Plus Size Vintage Late 1980s 1990s Black Lace Grunge Dress // Dark Matter Fashion // Size 12

ONLY 36$!!!!!

Spring Plus Size Vintage Dress 1960s Blue Picnic Dress // Bare All Spring Fashion // Size 12/14

Spring Plus Size 1980s Plaid Red and Blue Shirt // 4th of July Summer Fashion // Size

 

Spring 1960s Vintage Shirt Canary Yellow Turtleneck // Canary Me Home Spring Fashion // Size Medium / Large

A due Rant

5 Mar

Oh Hi!

I promise I will update this blog at least once a week.

This is a promise of love, not the kind your parents made that they would remember your birthday.

I’ve got Coffee and I’m ready to party.

Lets talk about comedy for a moment. I know, this is supposed to be my vintage fashion blog for which I share all of my vintage fashion loves. But this is important because it has to do with us big girls.

Recently I was in an airport and out of pure boredom I bought the Vanity Fair comedy issue. I usually HATE reading anything of this nature. I don’t like reading about comedians talking about how funny they are or how funny their friends are. Most of all I hate hearing Judd Apatow speak about how prolific he and his comedic cohort are. I don’t mean to look down on the Apatow Empire, but every movie he’s made since Knocked Up has been a audio/visual masturbation session of his awesome life. Here is a Judd Apatow film in a nutshell.

Dudes.

Dudes get in trouble.

Gay jokes.

Hot girl likes dude? So weird!

Oh no, he fucks it up because of all the improvised comedy scenes that are just more gay jokes!

Everything is ok!

(By the way, Judd, please hire me)

I digress!

I read the issue, I kept my cynicism at bay, I ate a mars bar. Then I realized something about all the comedians in the issue, especially the “fat” ones.

Here is the issue covers (there were three DIFFERENT collectible issues! Err merr gerrd!)

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First off, holy hell there are actual WOMEN in this issue! Isn’t this the same magazine that published the infamous Chris Hitchens article how women are biologically UNFUNNY? Read that here. Good show, Vanity Fair, good show.

This isn’t the part that irked me. What irks me is on the first cover, the hilarious Melissa McCarthy is pictured in some weird, frumpy costume and looking somewhat terrifying.

I don’t think people word normally see this and think it frustrating, like I do. What’s the big deal, Jenny? She’s just being funny, isn’t she? She’s a comedian, that’s her job!

It’s also Amy Pohler’s, Kristin Wiig’s, Maya Rudolph’s, Judd Apatow’s wife (her name escapes me, so does anything else she’s been in) And Megan Fox (wtf?)’s job to be comedians (not Megan Fox). Yet, somehow, they’ve escaped the grotesque costume and are completely sexified.  Why is that? Why can’t the fat comedian be sexy too?

Here is my rant. Although women in comedy are supposedly in a renaissance of acceptance, the fat ones are still seen as second class citizens. Fat comedians are always portrayed as awkward, ugly, weirdos that are unfuckable.

To illustrate:

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Yet, here is the counter:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t get me wrong. All those comedians are hilarious, amazing, and I love them dearly, but the truth is that as a plus size girl there aren’t any sexy plus size comedians. Hollywood has concocted a formula for the fat female comedian that works so well:

When you are unfuckable, you are starved for sex. When you are starved for sex you will fuck anything that moves. When you are desperate, unfuckable, and awkward, you are comedy gold.

Melissa McCarthy does this so well in the movie “Bridesmaids” that was supposed to be some sort of holy grail of female comedies. Yet, it didn’t stray from the stuffy, monotonous drone of romantic comedies where the female lead is nothing without a male counter part. What about a movie where a woman realizes she doesn’t need a man to like herself?! Huh, what about THAT movie?!

It would probably be a boring movie.

Again, I digress.

Melissa’s plays a butch, overly confident, sex starved creature (but with a heart of gold) in “Bridesmaids”. Her performance was stellar, but it drilled in the already known stereotype that being fat is funny, but being fat is not sexy. We watch her on the screen and say “Her overconfidence is so funny because she will never get that guy! I laugh at her pitiful attempts of romance!”. It’s the same trend again and again. Rebel Wilson in “Pitch Perfect”. Awkward, overly confident, starved for attention. Honestly, other examples are leaving me since I don’t even think there have been other roles like that for fat, female comedians.

The media and Hollywood are confusing us. We are told to love ourselves, yet are bombarded by adverts, magazine, and other forms of digestible media that tell us otherwise. If we aren’t thin we don’t get the man. If we don’t get the man we are useless! Lena Dunham is one of the brightest, most talented names in television right now yet she can’t cut a break. There have been countless reviews about her body, her nakedness, and the “unrealistic” idea that her skinny friend can’t get a boy when she can (but she is just so darn fat, how can that be?). Lena, for one thing, isn’t fat. She’s just her. I don’t want to say “normal” because that means being fat isn’t “normal” when in truth there is no “normal” body. Lena is just Lena. And Melissa is Melissa. Jenny (that’s me!) is Jenny. I can’t be any body else’s body, yet on a daily basis I am told I must be or I am not worthy. I will never be enough until I have Megan Fox’s body. I will never get a man, a career, friends, a nice house, money, or anything until I am a 36-24-36 .

But if I want to be funny, well then I’m the perfect shape and size for that. Just make sure I don’t get any big ideas about being sexy or attractive. No no no.

Hollywood, you’re digging your own grave here. The reason why “Girls” works so well is because it is honest, real, and is relatable. Watching Girls, or any TV/Film with strong female protagonists who I can relate to (both mentally and physically)  is going to draw me in and make me spend my hard-earned dollars on it. Whether you like it or not, much of your audience is overweight. And to your surprise, overweight girls are fuckable. Extremely fuckable. And not in a desperate way. We are sexy, we have curves, we are desirable and every advantage of skinnier ladies. Men like to have sex with us! (so do other ladies!) They enjoy the soft, roundness which up until recently was desired! You don’t seen any hip bone protrusions in Venus De Milo, do you? I am round, I am pudgy, I am big, and I am sexy! On top of that, I am fucking funny! What a package! That is the sexiest part about these women is that they can make us laugh.

If you can only see things in a monitory way rather than moral, Hollywood, realize that you could be tapping into a huge market of big women who want  a role model to feel sexy. Think of all the clothing, perfumes, and tampons you could sell with that sort of marketing. Big is beautiful, Hollywood! You’ll get it once you see how much money it makes you.

New dresses!

26 Feb

I’m in the middle of a really profound post about plus size women in comedy….but I’m also in the middle of making socialist children book names. This is what I have so far:

Are you there god? It’s me, Carl Marx.

The Very Hungry Capitalist

The lion, the Witch, and the Communist Manifesto

Charlotte’s Web of Lies

I am so productive.

Also, new items! I have a closet full of non-plus size stuff so I am trying to post that stuff. But have no fear, I have 2 1920s dresses, a victorian dress, and a few 1940s plus size items in the works!

 

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Good Press!

19 Feb

plusSo happy that I have fans of my shop and they say the nicest things!

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